How to handle insecure men? Should you date insecure men? Insecurity in people is a topic that has cropped up around the office lately and caused a lot of debate. Is it okay to date insecure men? I say yes, it’s fine, yet two female friends who work in the office with me say no way, they’ll drain you of love and patience. In other words, they were saying they’ll drive you nuts.
So how will they do this? One of the women said she was always having to explain herself; where she was, who she was meeting; even the fact that she had a bigger bank account. The other had similar things to say but added that in the end, the possessiveness and jealousy was a major factor in her “running for the hills”.
So I did a little checking and found a great article at huffingtonpost.com about men with insecurities. To be honest, I can see how it can be a problem. But the question needs to be asked; is it better to date a narcissistic or a predator type of man (one who relies on you for everything without shame) over an insecure guy? At least you won’t be worried about the insecure guy fooling around behind your back. Or would you?
No one would say that they set out to get into a relationship with an insecure man. However, that’s exactly what many women do. In fact, an insecure man can be especially tempting to you, particularly if your last relationship was with a narcissistic man who was all about himself and not so interested in you, or a predatory man who was happy to let you support him. Viewed through the eyes of a woman who has been burned in a one of these relationships, an insecure man may seem sensitive and interested in you. In one way that it true: he is interested in the love you have to offer. But the insecure man can also be a bottomless pit that might just drain you of every drop of love you possess.
Why Insecurity Can Be Appealing
When she first met Adam, Grace thought that he was just shy and quiet. She had no idea that what she was seeing was severe insecurity. Adam was one type of insecure man — the underachiever. Though he had graduated from college and was employed as an engineer, Adam had never advanced very far. At work he always got evaluations that boiled down to “satisfactory” — in other words, far short of what was needed to get ahead.
Grace decided to commit to this relationship, after dating Adam for six months, in large part because he pursued her, and also because he came across as wanting the relationship very much. And unlike her previous two boyfriends, Adam at least had a steady job and was faithful to her. So when the lease on the condo that she was renting was up, Grace put her furniture in storage and moved in with Adam.
Six months later, things were far from rosy. It started with Adam finding fault with Grace: from the way she cooked and dressed to the way she spoke and the opinions she expressed…..
Do you know how to handle insecure men? Have you had good or bad experiences with men who display insecurity? What advice would you give other women who are in relationships or thinking about getting into relationships with insecure guys?
Women who come off bad relationships with narcissistic or predator types will often breathe a sigh of relief when they meet a guy with some insecurity. At the time, it seems like a bit of a relief. But the last two tips in the article which touch on not accepting responsibility for their insecurities and not altering your lifestyle make great sense.
Insecurity is an unattractive trait in either men or women. Clingy people come over as desperate and the truth is, people don’t want to be “mothering” their partners. Needy behavior is something many people will shy away from. Men with clingy and needy behavior are talked about in the following video. There are some solid tips there.
If you have feedback to share we’d love to hear it. To be honest, men who act insecurely often are just trying to do the right thing but don’t seem to realize the behavior comes over as odd. I’m sure if people realize how they are acting that they would do something to change it. Do you agree?