A great question today from a reader concerned about dating someone going through divorce? In the end, her question was simple…“should I date someone going through divorce”? And the truth is, unless you know the situation of both people then it’s impossible to answer.
But you can set up a set of questions to get to the answer and offer some real world advice which I did. Without getting into the “nitty gritty”, I remember when I was going through divorce several years ago how my whole demeanor was changed. I was doing things I wouldn’t normally do; I was like a rebel for a while which looking back at it now, was pretty funny.
Me? A rebel? I still chuckle about it. I was the one on the receiving end of the divorce; in other words, my ex wanted out and I didn’t. Emotionally I was in the wrong place and anyone who wanted a long term commitment with me were better off passing.
I was not relationship material. So, this is one question you need to ask yourself when asking should you date someone going through divorce.
This is one of the questions explored in a post at nypost.com where the reader wants to know should you date a man who is separated from his wife. We’re not even sure he is going through a divorce so it makes it twice as tough to answer. But it still gets down to asking yourself a set of questions and you need to be truthful in your answers.
I recently started hanging out with a married guy who has a toddler that he loves. He is separated from his wife, and she lives out-of-state with their child. I know a divorce will take years to finalize, and actually think the best case scenario for him and his son is if he and his wife would stay together, but I can see myself falling for the guy and vice versa. Is it better to have lived and loved, or to avoid the whole impending disaster? Anonymous
This is a very tricky situation. First of all, it’s his decision to make as to what’s best for him and his child — not yours. Second, who wanted the separation and how long have they been separated? Have they even mentioned divorce?
A lot hangs on whether or not he’s completely over her. If she wanted the separation, most likely he would go back if given the OK by her. But if he has emotionally moved on from the marriage, then I do believe that he is ready to start dating.
With that said, starting a relationship with someone who is going through the divorce process is very difficult. You need to find true intimacy with him in order to understand the emotions he and his child are feeling…..
Dating someone going through divorce is one thing. Dating someone who is only at the separation stage is almost an entirely different scenario if a long term relationship is what you are after. At least with divorce you know they will be free agents soon but a separation holds lots of dangers especially when there are still feelings between two people.
What we are trying to say here is you need to be grown up about this and make the right decision for yourself. We can make suggestions and give you a list of questions to ask yourself but in the end, it’s your decision. What do you feel in your heart? Does it feel right? If in any doubt, better to pass than to get hurt.